Abstract

This is a personal account by a 70-year old lesbian of how she came to the conclusion that without confronting ageism it is impossible to have a good old age. The equation of old women with undesirability is so pervasive that no one is immune from its destructiveness. The fear about age, reaching phobic proportions among white skinned women of European background, has grave repercussions for us as we experience our own aging. We can attempt to deny our aging for a while at least, through the almost universal practice of trying to pass for younger; we can accept the ugly stereotypes about ourselves and become increasingly depressed and alienated; or we can embark of the struggle to confront the ageism of our culture as well as our own internalized ageism. As an old woman who has chosen the latter course, the impact upon my life has been tremendous. In this article I speak of my struggles against my own internalized ageism and how this path led me to a renewed social activism, sense of purpose, and inner exploration. I have been forced to accept the actuality of my aging vs. my ageist expectations, which I have found repeatedly cloud my ability to experience my life. This process has brought excitement and fullness to my life, making my old age a time rich in learning and insight.